She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
