Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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