I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my being single is dangerous.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
