Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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