My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
