1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
