you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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