No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
