I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
