I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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