dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
