Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
