there was a trapeze. enough said
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
