I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
