So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
