alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
