How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
