It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
