Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
