you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
