I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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