You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
