Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
