i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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