yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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