i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
