i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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