I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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