I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
