Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's the barista slut.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
