Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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