the condom got lost in my hair
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
