Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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