Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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