I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
