I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
