where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
