I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
