last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
