I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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