I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
