theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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