it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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