i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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