Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
