My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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