adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
