Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
