Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
