All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Of course I have a pirate flag
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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