If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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