hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
