On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
