he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
