Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
