just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
