you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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