I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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