well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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