DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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