I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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