Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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