I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
