Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
