I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
