dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
