I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
